I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
