For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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