dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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