I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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