i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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