From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
