Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i was born a porn star she said
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize