she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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