im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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