Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
