Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
