Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
