mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
