tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize