walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
