Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
