someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
