he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am available for nakedness
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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