I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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