do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
