i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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