You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
