Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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