he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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