My friends, they love my intelligence
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
