how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
