She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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