apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
