On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
