I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
