I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
