Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
