so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
