i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
