I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
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you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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