Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
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Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
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Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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