I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
