not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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