hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
