his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
