OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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