someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
