the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
