i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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