So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
