I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
