Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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