i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
