I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I want her autograph on my taint
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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