I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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