Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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