We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I will pee on everything he values.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize