Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize