I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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