Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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