I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
