Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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