you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Can you bring me the toilet please
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
