My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
