I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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