ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
