he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
