All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
