I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
