I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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