so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
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It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
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Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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