based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
