Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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