You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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